When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
