I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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