The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
