his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
