I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
