i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
