I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
