im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
