well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Blood and glitter go together right?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
