Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize