just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
