i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
