Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
