Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
