just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I need moral support for this bender
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
