She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
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You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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