Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.