Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.