You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Life is so much better after having sex.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.