some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
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im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
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idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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