Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I have aggressive nipples.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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