I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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