i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
