my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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