Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
