Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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