I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
