Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm too high and old for this...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
