He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
