Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
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Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
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Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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