Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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