and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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