Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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