You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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