Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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