look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
