If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I love having hate sex.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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