Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
