chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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