I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
