I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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