my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
