Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
