Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
