Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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