What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
