haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
