Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
