I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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