By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
