ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
