its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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