I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
