And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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