you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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