I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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