kristin has been a bad kristin
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
