is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
