a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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