it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
