Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
