I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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