Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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