I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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