Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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