Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
