Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
