I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
