it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
